There is a formula formulated by the time and motion gang:
For every added helper on a job, efficiency drops by some percent.
I’d add thirty for every guy I hire;
One man will work his ass off
But two will scheme to get as much free time
as they can grab in one eight hour day.
And who can blame them?
Two guys with wives, or chicks with partners, children on their minds,
Can only think and talk about when this day will never end.
At evensong, they’ve done their work,
Orange globed Apollo skinny dips in wine dark sea
Do they really give a shit, when the boss is such a jerk?
And what a sap he is, for he leaves them time and time again, with rotten tools
And rotten stock, expecting the impossible since he bid this job too low
Too cheap to fit them up with even basic stuff they need to get it done.
Everything’s inferior, he’s a penny pinching churl
He wants it all put right before he shows or he’ll piss and
Moan their work’s too slow.
He’s “losing money by the minute” in a minute he’ll be bankrupt,
A New York minute and his boils will all erupt.
He won’t buy lunch or coffee, they have to eat and smoke in half an hour,
No wonder their digestion’s bad,
They’re burping up their subs,
The asshole says “hurry up you finish up hey clean it up”
“Like that,” says Bill, and farted.
They know he’s got a 90 inch tv, a gorgeous wife and boat somewhere they’ll never see.
Fifty acres in the suburbs, kids in private schools, how about
That Cape Cod summer place and that Wagoneer he flouts around, the fool.
Who’s he think he’s kidding? Who’s the fool?
He won’t take a check, he pockets all the cash,
They’re just waiting gleefully to watch him burn and crash
Just give them a little stake, just a little bread, and they could
Do this better, twice as good standing on their heads.
They can’t quite get the tools they need together, and they
hate collecting money from the customers. but one day, baby…
Let it go. Fuhgged about it,
Watch the Lakers beat the Knicks, or
Take the wife and kids for burgers.
Business is a risky thing, besides
My brother tried it
Half the night he’s up
The people always calling up complaining
He tells his kids like: “Hey, shut up.”
“You wanna hit the Red Sox
Game tonite, they’re playin Cincinnatti?
I can’t, I gotta take my daughter into town to look at schools,
Maybe Tuesday, there’s a doubleheader.
Hey, pack it in, it’s Miller time,
You sweep up and and I’ll hit these holes with filler.”
“Fine with me”, says Bill, “see you Monday,
Don’t forget to bring the hammer drill, we gotta tapcon down that sill…”